First of all i am really really sorry. I admit i was a total jerk for not posting in time. I mean who does that? Who doesn't fulfil their promise apart from our politicians? Well enough with the apology and my silly jokes lets dig into the topic. So here goes.....
So where was I? Yeah! I had a life threatening moment because of a cigarette. I was out of breath for running no more than a minute. Heck i ran for 40 seconds and i collapsed into the ground, how lame is that? It was all because of non other than a cigarette. Cigarettes! It became a part of me. It was inside my system. And i finally got to know it that it had consumed me. But i was ready to quit it, i was ready to climb again. That ugly pit i had fallen into was not too deep for me.
It occurred to me that day, that i was loosing myself, every decision i was making was flawed, i was loosing my confidence, even the awesome things that i did seemed kinda lame. This inability to quit smoking made me doubt myself, my very intellectual self, my conscious and sub conscious mind. I was not sure how i was gonna quit it, i always thought that a magical elf would someday come and bash my brains out and take this addiction with himself. I cried, a lot, i was in a very bad place. Remember a dream in which you simply can not move your legs when you wanna run badly, like being chased by a monster? You feel helpless, you fall, you crawl, you try get up on your feet, but you legs are heavy, they are almost numb, they are like feather, so light, so fragile, you get up on you feet, you try to run again, but you can not, there is some external force trying to hold you back, that monster is nearing, its all so close and it grabs you. BOOM! You wake up. Well that urge to smoke was so strong than my urge to quit it was puny. I felt my brains go crazy, it was like that dream, i wanted to run away but i could't, my self conscience went weak whenever i urged for a smoke. It kept pulling me. I kept telling "just leave me please" and till this day i couldn't figure out whom i was telling this and then came the reply "i ill leave you the next time but now you gotta do me for one last time". Every time became the last time and every time i was trying to run but i simply couldn't. That monster always grabbed me and whispered "i ill leave you the next time but now you gotta do me for one last time". So i was fishing and was with my friend and beautiful silence. It was simply quiet, no vehicles, no honking horns, no megaphones, no barking dogs just silence and beautiful fishes. Now you smokers can certainly understand that without a cigarette this moment was incomplete and non-smokers would be like "meh! no cigarettes? so what?". Trust me my friends this was the type of moment for an awesome smoke. It was quiet outside but deep down, in my mind it was chaos. Like a war between Luke Skywalker and The Darth Vader. It was mayhem. "No don't smoke it'll get worse!" , "it won't get worse i have it under control, i won't do it the next time". After an immense battle that monster appeared, slowly approaching, the cigarette pressed between my lips, searching for my lighter, the monster was stretching arms to grab me, i lit the lighter paused for a few seconds, threw the lighter, threw the cigarette, punched the monster into his nuts and told him "well if at all you come next time, come prepared better than this time, coz it's not gonna be easy for you buddy, it's my turn to make your feets numb". That was the first time i realised it was not some elf who was gonna help me, actually let me call it my elf, my sub conscious elf.
Well that was the day and this is also that day this very night is the same as that day too. Its been 3 years since i knocked that monster down and still am knocking that son of a bitch. Each and everyday that same war wages inside my mind, each time im winning the war since that day. Look i was not here to give you step by step instructions on how to quit smoking but i'm here for you my friend, not you, not you, not you but YOU. I know you wanna quit, i know you are damn sure about wanting to quit it, i believe in you. I know people judge you when you say you wanna quit but still are unable to. Don't be too harsh on yourself buddy. It was not some magic that led me to quit it, actually you never quit smoking, once it gets into your system it never really leaves you. I am still a smoker who doesn't smokes. Well hasn't smoked in 3 years. If i smoke even now, i'll become an active smoker again. Its just something you have to live with, something you must fight each and every second of your life. That monster, you need to hit it and hit it and hit it for the rest of your life. Of course you will become stronger and stronger for that you need to hit it for the first time and continue doing so. Please don't quit your attempt to quit smoking. That pit is not too deep at all and that monster is too fragile to be defeated repeatedly. Trust me...
So where was I? Yeah! I had a life threatening moment because of a cigarette. I was out of breath for running no more than a minute. Heck i ran for 40 seconds and i collapsed into the ground, how lame is that? It was all because of non other than a cigarette. Cigarettes! It became a part of me. It was inside my system. And i finally got to know it that it had consumed me. But i was ready to quit it, i was ready to climb again. That ugly pit i had fallen into was not too deep for me.
It occurred to me that day, that i was loosing myself, every decision i was making was flawed, i was loosing my confidence, even the awesome things that i did seemed kinda lame. This inability to quit smoking made me doubt myself, my very intellectual self, my conscious and sub conscious mind. I was not sure how i was gonna quit it, i always thought that a magical elf would someday come and bash my brains out and take this addiction with himself. I cried, a lot, i was in a very bad place. Remember a dream in which you simply can not move your legs when you wanna run badly, like being chased by a monster? You feel helpless, you fall, you crawl, you try get up on your feet, but you legs are heavy, they are almost numb, they are like feather, so light, so fragile, you get up on you feet, you try to run again, but you can not, there is some external force trying to hold you back, that monster is nearing, its all so close and it grabs you. BOOM! You wake up. Well that urge to smoke was so strong than my urge to quit it was puny. I felt my brains go crazy, it was like that dream, i wanted to run away but i could't, my self conscience went weak whenever i urged for a smoke. It kept pulling me. I kept telling "just leave me please" and till this day i couldn't figure out whom i was telling this and then came the reply "i ill leave you the next time but now you gotta do me for one last time". Every time became the last time and every time i was trying to run but i simply couldn't. That monster always grabbed me and whispered "i ill leave you the next time but now you gotta do me for one last time". So i was fishing and was with my friend and beautiful silence. It was simply quiet, no vehicles, no honking horns, no megaphones, no barking dogs just silence and beautiful fishes. Now you smokers can certainly understand that without a cigarette this moment was incomplete and non-smokers would be like "meh! no cigarettes? so what?". Trust me my friends this was the type of moment for an awesome smoke. It was quiet outside but deep down, in my mind it was chaos. Like a war between Luke Skywalker and The Darth Vader. It was mayhem. "No don't smoke it'll get worse!" , "it won't get worse i have it under control, i won't do it the next time". After an immense battle that monster appeared, slowly approaching, the cigarette pressed between my lips, searching for my lighter, the monster was stretching arms to grab me, i lit the lighter paused for a few seconds, threw the lighter, threw the cigarette, punched the monster into his nuts and told him "well if at all you come next time, come prepared better than this time, coz it's not gonna be easy for you buddy, it's my turn to make your feets numb". That was the first time i realised it was not some elf who was gonna help me, actually let me call it my elf, my sub conscious elf.
Well that was the day and this is also that day this very night is the same as that day too. Its been 3 years since i knocked that monster down and still am knocking that son of a bitch. Each and everyday that same war wages inside my mind, each time im winning the war since that day. Look i was not here to give you step by step instructions on how to quit smoking but i'm here for you my friend, not you, not you, not you but YOU. I know you wanna quit, i know you are damn sure about wanting to quit it, i believe in you. I know people judge you when you say you wanna quit but still are unable to. Don't be too harsh on yourself buddy. It was not some magic that led me to quit it, actually you never quit smoking, once it gets into your system it never really leaves you. I am still a smoker who doesn't smokes. Well hasn't smoked in 3 years. If i smoke even now, i'll become an active smoker again. Its just something you have to live with, something you must fight each and every second of your life. That monster, you need to hit it and hit it and hit it for the rest of your life. Of course you will become stronger and stronger for that you need to hit it for the first time and continue doing so. Please don't quit your attempt to quit smoking. That pit is not too deep at all and that monster is too fragile to be defeated repeatedly. Trust me...
